HELLO CLEVELAND: This shark sandwich review is more than two words!

So we’re hanging out at ABC the Tavern Uptown, this funky college dive bar that would be just an (insert sports term) away from Case Western University…cept I don’t think they actually play sports at Case. But man, this place has everything: lamb quesadillas, pork belly BLTs, jerk chicken nachos–and all for less than 10 bucks! What’s more, it’s Happy Hour every day from noon till nine, which means we’re pounding two-fiddy bottles of Labatt Blue like it’s nobody’s business, bro…

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Now, if they had this kinda funky joint back when I was in college, I’d be there every day till they kicked me out. But today, I’m here for that magical, mystical creature of the deep–the legendary shark sandwich:

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Now, as any longtime Spinal Tap fan will tell ya, it was no Smell the Glove, but I think the critics mighta been a little too harsh on that one. ABC is serving it up blackened swordfish style on a bun with lettuce, tomato and a pineapple salsa on the side. The texture is more like chicken, but the Cajun spices add a nice kick. It might not be one of my top seafood sammies, but this ain’t no shit sandwich by any stretch!

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This Guy Fieri lookalike is serving up some righteous roadkill in rural Alberta!

Now, when I first saw this story on the CBC, I was like, dude, this guy must be my brother from another mother. We even go to the same barber, although I’ve got the slightly better haircut. Those are some wicked awesome tattoos, bro!

But anyways, this outta-bounds broseph in Czar, Alberta—a town named after King Ralph, I’m guessing—is serving some of the most funkalicious meats you’ll ever meet on your plate. Man, this place has everything…rattlesnake, kangaroo, Alberta yak—what, you’ve never had Alberta yak, bro? I hear they serve it at Earl’s!

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And it’s not like they’re making a camel omelet or serving up shark soufflé—they’re putting all this stuff in burgers! Except for the turtle soup, apparently. But hey, that’s not weird at all…it’s actually a Cajun classic. Just ask Emeril!

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Now, getting back to the Fireside Grill, they say they’ve had people drive from as far away as Red Deer, but they ain’t seen nothin’ yet, cuz I think I’m about to make this my next Flavourtown Roadtrip! I’ll hafta make sure to stop at the KFC in Weyburn, Saskatchewan along the way…

I just hope when I pull up in the Camaro that they’re not outta shark meat. I’ve always wanted to eat a shark sandwich!!!