Choose Your Own Adventure Burger @ Storm Crow Manor

Now, I wouldn’t say I’m a nerd or nothing…although I did spend my high school years sitting at the table next to the cafeteria cuz they would give me free food at the end of lunch hour if they didn’t sell out. But when I heard that Storm Crow Manor, Canada’s Nerdiest Bar, was opening up in downtown Toronto, I was all over that like a fat kid on cafeteria pizza, bro!

Man, if you like sci-fi or super heroes, you’ll go nuts for funky dishes like Rebel X-Wings, Wolverine Poutine, Big Truffle in Little Chip-a…and these heroes in a deep-fried shell, Teenage Mutant Ninja Pickles:

teenage_mutant_deepfried_pickles (6)

Dude, these pickles are super-hot and crispy, with enough batter to make everything better! They’re like, eight to an order, which is enough for two or three people–or one Guy Fieri wannabe from Calgary, bro! And you KNOW one does not simply go to Storm Crow Manor to eat pickles…

dungeon_burger_card (5)

OK, so here’s the deal. They’ve got this funky dish called the Dungeon Burger, which is kinda like going to Harvey’s…except you don’t choose your toppings, the dice chooses for you. With a roll of the 20-sided dice, you pick your bun, meat, cheese, toppings, sauces and sides…and it even comes with a trading card!

dungeon_burger_card (9)

I added one extra rule to this game–if I landed on something vegan, I got to go again. So I started out by rolling a 16 on the bun, which means baguette, and then for meat I got shaved prime rib, which should go together nicely. For toppings, I got tomato, shredded lettuce…and then I kept landing on lettuce again (they also have romaine). I definitely did NOT need two kinds of lettuce, so with a flick of the wrist, I rolled an 18…which meant tortilla chips. That’s right, this is nacho average beef dip, bro!!!

stormcrow_dungeon_burger (1)

OK, so let’s break it down. The baguette was nice ‘n toasty, the beef had a nice chew. A bit of juice from the tomato, some crunch from the nachos…and in the sauce department, I rolled ketchup, Storm Crow secret sauce and then a 20, which is Choose Your Own Sauce. I went with Sriracha aioli — dude, it’s like donkey sauce mixed with hot sauce!!! But having three sauces on the sammy made the chips a little soggy, and I couldn’t taste the secret sauce at all. Maybe next time I’ll just stick with two sauces…

stormcrow_baked_potato (1)

Now, when it came to decide on sides, there were two basic options–fries and green salad–and then a few more that cost extra money. To make it more likely you’d get one of the cheaper sides, rolling 1 to 6 would be fries and 7 to 12 would be salad, so you had to roll 13 or above to get something else. And wouldn’t you know I rolled between 7 and 12 like three times in a row–you don’t win friends with salad, bro! So finally, on my third re-roll, I got a baked potato, which is two dollars more…but hey, it does come with sour cream, chives and bacon, so I’d say that’s a big win!

dungeon_burger_card (2)

 

Advertisements

How to make a better cheesesteak than the Air Canada Centre

Now, I’ve been to the ACC a buncha times, and I gotta say, some of their food options are OK. I would totally recommend the roast beef sandwich at the Real Sports stand—if you’re sitting in the lower bowl, they can even bring it to your seat! But I would definitely advise against ordering their sorry excuse for cheesesteak from one of the other places. Not unless you like eating subway shoe leather served on a crappy hotdog bun with some sorry-ass cheese sauce. Let’s just say that if the ACC’s cheesesteak was a Spinal Tap album, it would be Shark Sandwich. (Love those guys, by the way!)

In fact, I was so infuriated after paying $10.50 for this garbage that I set out to make my own, using only a frying pan and a cutting board. Cuz hey, you don’t hafta be fancy to make a steak sandwich!

homemade_cheesteak (1)

OK, so here’s what I did. I took some steak, some onions and some peppers, slapped ‘em up with a Slap Chop, and threw ‘em in a goddamn pan on medium for five freakin’ minutes. The end result was delicious. Tell me you wouldn’t pay $10.50 for this:

homemade_cheesteak (3)

So hey, if you happen to see me hanging out at the upcoming Motley Crue reunion tour, then no, that isn’t a cheesesteak in my pants—I’m just happy to see Tommy Lee! 😉