Tag Archives: Subway

Subway’s new rotisserie-style chicken actually tastes like chicken!!!!!

I pretty much stopped going to Subway after a CBC study found that half of their grilled chicken wasn’t actually chicken. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy a steak ‘n cheese sammy sometimes…but y’know, I want my steak to be actual steak and my cheese to be actual cheese, bro!

Anyhoo, I had pretty much sworn off all Subway chicken-related products (except for #CrispyChickenCheatDay)…until I heard about their new Subway Grilled Wraps, what with their “rotisserie style” chicken. Cuz hey, even rotisserie-style soy probably tastes pretty good. But then a funny thing happened on the way to the Flavourtown Forum–this chicken’s actually legit!

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This here’s the Chicken Caesar Wrap, and it’s got me singing Hail Caesar like pre-Axl Rose AC/DC, bro! The chicken’s thick, juicy and actually tastes good…unlike their old “chicken,” which tasted like a mixture of vinegar powder, corn starch and tapioca. You’ve got bacon strips, some creamy caesar dressing, lettuce, tomato and…green peppers. Who puts green peppers in a Caesar salad, son?????

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I’m less than impressed with Subway’s panini press!

Now, because the sandwich oven can’t get no lovin’, walks around dog-faced and hurt, Subway has added a new appliance to its Canadian locations. Don’t get me wrong, I can always dig into a righteous Cubano on fresh-pressed Cuban bread…but you ain’t gonna see that at Subway, son! In fact, three of its four paninis are basically the same sammies you can get off the regular menu, albeit on ciabatta–so I went for the one that’s different:

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Subway’s “chicken” cordon bleu comes with big ol’ chunks of I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-chicken, sliced ham, Swiss cheese, tomato and spinach–cuz you can’t put lettuce in a panini press, bro! They actually heat it in the sandwich oven first, then put ‘er in the press to get the bread nice and crispy. And while I do dig me some hot bread, and the hot tomato and melted cheese go nice together…I couldn’t help thinking that this would be so much better if they used chicken that wasn’t 47 per cent soy!!!!

We’re chowing down on Subway’s crispy “chicken” sandwich!

Man, when I heard that Subway’s chicken was only 53.6 per cent actual chicken, I never wanted to eat there again. Especially since the main ingredient in their “chicken” was soy. Dude, I wouldn’t eat a soy sandwich if it was covered in deep-fried jalapenos and smothered in smoky barbecue sauce, son! But then I heard that Subway was serving up a crispy chicken sandwich, so you know I had to try it—this is body by crispy chicken, bro!

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got a tasty mixture of rib meat and water, a nice kick from the corn syrup, some tangy vinegar powder, corn starch and tapioca. Just a bit of sweetness from the brown sugar, a touch of salt, dextrose, garlic powder and onion powder. And then there’s the chicken-type flavour, made from corn gluten, yeast extract and preservatives. Dude, I would eat that stuff off a flip-flop!

At the end of the day, this basically tastes more or less the same as the crispy chicken sandwich Mr. Sub’s been serving up for years…except that Mr. Sub has slightly better bread. Oh, and mushrooms. Mushrooms are TheBomb.ca, bro!!!!

 

 

You call that hand-carved turkey, bro?

Now, a couple weeks back I said I’d never had Subway’s Hand-Carved Turkey Sandwich. But since then, I’ve only seen the ad on TV like 227 times, so I figured I might as well go for a soda and try it. And lemme just say, there’s no way that turkey’s hand-carved; those slices are so uniform and precise that I’m pretty sure a robot cut ‘em or something…

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That being said, this sammy ain’t too shabby. The turkey isn’t fresh-off-the-bird, but it’s got a better chew and texture than deli meat. Warmed up some in the Subway bread oven, and now you’re cooking with cranberry mustard sauce, son!

Cuz hey, the sauce is what makes it. You’ve got a bit of sweet, a bit of tang, and a whole lotta love, right here, right now on fresh-baked bread. They said you can add bacon for 50 cents, but you’ll hafta make yer own stuffing. Y’know, I wouldn’t trust any breading that came from a plastic bag, bro!!!

An ode to the Subway Prime Rib Melt…

(Originally written November 5, 2014)

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O Prime Rib Melt, shall I compare thee to a regular sub?

Thou art more tasty and more flavourful,

Though this past October otherwise fucking sucked,

And your limited-time offer hath all too short a date;

Sometime too hot your Subway oven burns,

And often the sandwich artist can’t understand simple instructions,

But when I unwrap your melty sandwichness,

You need no introduction;

But thy eternal deliciousness shall not fade,

Nor lose possession of your prime rib,

Until thine offer dost runneth out,

And I’ll probably never eat at fucking Subway again!!!!

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